My Nursing Education

Today my friend passed away.  Do you recall the WWII Vet with the left below the knee amputee.  Well he was transferred to Hospice care, and died about a week later.   It was said that his wife asked him for a kiss, and he said NO, I’ll give you two, and then he passed away.  May God rest his soul.  You know he stated to me that he never had any pain associated with his lung cancer, and even drove himself to Veterans hospital a couple of weeks prior.  He will be missed.

My other job is working as a nurse on a psychiatric floor at a local hospital.  What troubled minds these patients have.  It is so heart wrenching to see how years of physical and sexual abuse can destroy the life of a young man.  One young man in particular took my heart.  He could not have been more than 19 years of age.  He confided in me that he had been abused by his foster care brother from the age of 8 to to the age of 11.  My client was taken away from his mother at an early age because she physically abused him.  How awful that he had to go from being physically abused to being sexually abused.  It is not right.  His mother is currently in an adult foster care home, and she calls him at the hospital.  I watch him rocking back and forth on the phone stating that he doesn’t want to talk to to her.  So I was walking by and asked him for the phone and stated that your son does not want to talk to you right now and hung up.  I instructed my client to do the same thing when he felt that he was being assulted verbally.  My client is very bright, he plays a mean game of spades, though if you ask him what his diagnoses is, he will tell you that he is mildly mentally retarded, bi-polar and autistic.  He makes quick jerking actions from time to time.  I sometimes wonder if that isn’t from the beatings that he recieved from his mother.  No child should have to go through what he has gone through.  Did I tell you why he was in the pshcyicatric ward?  Well for one thing he has an anger problem.  Can you guess why?  He was in a group home and he threw a brinck through the window and got some of the other residents really mad.  They in turn beat him up very badly.  He has two huge black circles under his eyes.  He has no control over his emotions, and lashes out at others without thinking.  He became very anxious after he spoke with his girlfriend on the phone.   He began lashing out verbally at others.  I sat down with and asked him what was wrong.  He first stated that he didn’ want to talk about it.  i explained to him that he had a right to be angry, but that he shouldn’t take his anger out on others around him.  That those people do not have anything against him and that he should take pause to identify where his anger is coming from.  As I sat with him, he said, “I tell you why I am angry, it’s because my girlfriend doesn’t want to come and see me.  No one wants to see me.  (he begann to weep, pulling his T-shirt over his head so no one could see him cry)  He continued, through his tears, I don’t have any family.  I never had a mother who loved me.  Why was I abused, hurt and beaten?  (I was beginning to cry at this point.)  Why can’t I find someone who loves me?  As he wept, I put my hand on his back and told him the following,  “You may not have had a family, but you are related to the world.  Every person on earth is part of the family of humanity.  I realize that you have not met good people, but believe me there are good caring people out there, with great love in their hearts.  As far as finding someone who loves you, well I can tell you this, the reality is that not everyone that you feel you can care about will care equally for you.  But the love that you have in your heart that allows you to care about others is a beautiful gift of emotion.  You wil find that special someone who will care for you equally if not more.  It may not be today or next week, but it will happen.  You need to be patient, and know how special you are.   You have not had good caring people in your life and yet you have this wonderful loving compassionate soul, in spite of all the horrible things that have happened to you.  That is why you must be your best friend, and take care of yourself just like you would take care of someone that you love.  (He continued to weep saying.,.)  “If they make me go back to that group home, those guys will kill me, please don’t let them send me back, please.  I will probably kill myself if they send me back.”  ( I explained to him that he was no going to be sent back there, and that he would be allowed to manage some of his money and maybe get a partime job.)  We sat there for an hour and talked about what his goals were.  He explained that he wanted to get his high school equivalency, get a job and more than anything to live in peace.  We hugged.  I told him that if he ever had problems, where ever he was, to call the floor and ask for Nancy.  I never told a client that before, but I meant it, and as this writing finds its way around the world for others to read I know that my promise will stand.  For what is the worth of a man or women if they are not faithful to their word.  In closing I would like to say this about the treatment of America’s mentally ill.  They need our help and help.  There is not enough supervision of adult group homes, and I fear for their quality of life and their immediate safety.  We really do have a wonderful country.  But we as Americans need to look up from our lap tops and truly see what is happening around us.

Nancy Lydia Kimmel

Daily Diary of a Nurse

Today’s Entry, September 29th 2008;

Sorry that it has been a few days since I last made an entry.  Truth is I have been busy with teaching.  I love teaching.  My patient load has gone down some.  I really don’t know how home care nurses can see forty patients weekly.  I am not that organized.  Let’s see, well there was a patient that I saw who was a right sided CVA.  He admitted to drinking.  All he wanted was a power chair.  He stated that he couldn’t get out of his apartment and felt very isolated.  I knew that the social worker could help him.  His blood pressure was 160/90.  When I called the Dr. and asked him if he wanted him to have another BP pill or half of one he stated that there was no need.  You know, I couldn’t draw his blood.  I tried twice, and after that I told him I would send in the expert.  Gee, I feel bad having to stick people and not get blood.  I saw the vein, and yet I couldn’t get the flash.  He told me that his wife, who doesn’t live with him, came over and drank an entire bottle of Tequila.  I can see why he still drinks.  What a nice man.  He called me a vampire.  Yeah, some vampire, I can’t even get any blood.  On another note, I have to tell you this for my patient who is a Vietnam Veteran.  He actually asked me to write about him.  He wanted me to tell the world that he enlisted at 17 to go to Vietnam.  That he did a 18 month tour in the airborne.  He told me that none of the men knew about the riots and protests going on in the states.  He mentioned that his best friend was a white boy from Alaska.  My patient has much to tell me about his tour.  I noticed that he gets very emotional when he talks about Nam.  But, he stated that he is going to tell me everything as long as I write about what he says.  So I am keeping my promise, and will keep you posted.  I need to make out a math quiz for my student’s for tomorrow, so I will bid you all adiu, guten nicht, and good night.

Nancy Nurse

September 22th , 2008  0900 Welcome all student nurses!

New Entry;

Well everyone, I’m back.  Rembember the patient that went to the hospital for a respiratory problem.  She is the one on whom adult protective services were called.  I have to go back tomorrow to do a resumption of care or ROC.  The sad news is that while she was in the hospital, she developed leg ulcers.  I can’t imagine how bad they are.  She had scars on her bilateral lower extremities from previous diabetic ulcers.  I know that her sugar fluctuated, but you would think that the hospital would keep her under tight glycemic control.  I feel so bad for her. Here she is with a comprimised respiratory system and the windows are left open all night.  Now she has diabetic ulcers.  I feel so helpless sometime.  I realize that the disease process takes its toll, but no reason for others to rush it along.  I guess all I can to is to continue to do my best.  Did I tell you, that I have cut back on my patient load so that I could teach engineering and math?  Well, yes I did.  Why? Because I love to teach.  Oh, yes, and my patient who is the WWII veteran had dropped our services to go with Hospice.  I am so glad, I had the hardest time trying to get the home care physician to order Megace for appetite enhancement.  So, tomorrow begins another day of just seeing patients.  I will tell you about the patient’s cases that I opened recently, tomorrow hopefully.  Have a good night.

Kindest Regards,

Nancy Nurse

I believe that the worst thing that can happen to a home care nurse is when you have a paient die before seeing them that week.  That is exactly what happened to me.  I had opened a case of a man who had medical problems such as heart and hypertension in August.  Then, I walk into work and find out that his sister had just called to inform the home care agency that he died.  I was frozen in my tracks.  All I could think of was could I have saved him.  Every possible scenario was going through my head about how I might have done things differently.  What if I had seen him a day before, maybe I could have caught something or assessed something different about him that might have saved his life.  Honestly, I haven’t got over it.  I tell you what one of my nursing instructors told me during an evaluation.  She said my problem was that I care too much.  Do you believe that?  Persoonally speaking, in this field I don’t think that anyone can care too much.  I think there are not enough people who care.  Well, thanks for listening.

Still Shaken,

Nancy Nurse

Nancy Nurse